Joke jokes

I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"

What do you call a gay guy eating Cheerios?

Fruit Loops.

I said to my wife that she's so ugly that she threw a boomerang and it never came back.

STOP THE FRICKING ORPHAN JOKES!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP THEM NOW! STOP THEM NOW NOW NOW N.O.W.

You want to hear a rape joke? Yeah. Damn you ruined it.

What do you call a disabled person drowning?

A boat.

My friend asks for a turkey burger on 4th of July. I say, "That's Thanksgiving, man!"

Orphan: Asks you random joke. What is the difference between my boomerang and my parents?

Me: The boomerang came back.

I was like, soon dude, Little Johnny is Big boobs.

Why do orphans dip their Oreos in water?

Because dad never came back with the milk.

I have a pen, I have an Apple, um, Apple pen.

The Taliban had a plane, the US had a building boom, 9/11.

What do you call a lamp that molests young boys? A Jacko Lantern!

Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)

I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.

My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.

You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.

I'll shut up now.

I saw a Cuban prisoner. I asked, "Why are you running from the cops?" He said, "I'M FREE AT LAST!"

Why do female parachutists have to wear tampons before they jump?

So they don't whistle on the way down!

I was crying when my dad was cutting onions.

Onions was such a good dog.

Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...

What separates bad jokes from dad jokes?

Condoms.

I wasn't going to tell another rape joke but fuck it.