Joke jokes
I went to the tattoo shop and asked for a skull.
A Jewish guy behind me said, "A skull? Back in my day, we could only get numbers!"
What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?
One of them is an outside job.
The doctor told me I'm color blind...
Me: That's out of the purple!
You call your dad the sun because he is 90 million miles away.
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."
Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.
Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.
A photon is checking into a hotel.
The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."
What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?
Elton John is still standing.
Why do people hate abortion jokes?
It leaves you with an empty feeling inside.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
How many dyslexics does it take to change a lightbulb?
Steven.
What's the difference between a Palestinian and SpongeBob's Sandy Cheeks?
One is living in a bubble, the other one in rubble.
"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."
A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”
The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"
Spiderman: "Yes."
Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."
Spiderman: "Why?"
Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."
Me: Mom, the weight scale wants your weight, not your phone number!
What do you call a transgender person? Nintendo Switch.