Joke jokes
I named my dog "5 miles" so I could say I ran five miles today. I ran over 5 miles.
What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.
There is a feminist group in my town.
It is called Gal-Qaeda.
(I actually got this from The Simpsons, so credit to the show.)
I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."
What do you call an owl with armor?
A Knight Owl!
What’s the difference between a thief and a pervert?
One will snatch your watch, the other will watch your snatch.
Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"
Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
What's the difference between homework and a hooker? They both start with an "H", but we all know which one we would like to do.
This Fairy Tail shirt is only $9.99! Guess you can say that's a fair retail.
What time is it when you can drive a house? Time to get a wheelchair.
Easy! Peasy! Lemon Squeezy! 🍋😂
Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?
Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.
What is worse than 16 babies in 16 dumpsters? One baby in 16 dumpsters.
Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.
There's something on your chin... no, the 3rd one.
What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.
What do you call a kid watching Star Wars by themselves?
Hans Solo.
Dark humor is like cancer; it's funnier when kids get it.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.