Joke jokes
There is a feminist group in my town.
It is called Gal-Qaeda.
(I actually got this from The Simpsons, so credit to the show.)
Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"
Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
What did the girl say to the man with a moustache?
I moustache you a question.
Easy! Peasy! Lemon Squeezy! 🍋😂
Sign outside a hair salon: "We'll color your hair or dye trying."
Osama bin laden hit the towers because he couldnt fly straight
Why was 10 traumatized?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.
What do you call a kid watching Star Wars by themselves?
Hans Solo.
There's something on your chin... no, the 3rd one.
What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, “A Bloody Mary?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me.”
“Hot water?”
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea.”
What is worse than 16 babies in 16 dumpsters? One baby in 16 dumpsters.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
Dark humor is like cancer; it's funnier when kids get it.
My brother caught Covid last month.
First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"
I just told him straight: "Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
The suicide squad.
What do you tell a dead metal fan?
Rust in peace.
What's worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree?
1 dead baby hanging off 1000 trees.