Joke jokes

How many children does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Not 27, because my basement is still dark.

Why did the depressed kid cross the road?

To get hit by a car.

I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would just crash and burn.

What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.

Why did little Susie fall off the swing?

Because she has no arms or legs.

Knock knock.

"Who's there?"

Not Susie.

REALLY CRAPPY JOKE ALERT!!! Oh Quin, how was eating that tight butt? Must be nasty. I heard you met from rear ending him.

What do you call pasta that’s made by a skeleton? A CREEPYpasta! (It’s my first one, lol)

I named my dog "5 miles" so I could say I ran five miles today. I ran over 5 miles.

I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."

Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"

There is a feminist group in my town.

It is called Gal-Qaeda.

(I actually got this from The Simpsons, so credit to the show.)

What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?

One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.

Sign outside a hair salon: "We'll color your hair or dye trying."

What did the girl say to the man with a moustache?

I moustache you a question.

Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

Wanna hear a plane joke? Nah, it'll just go over your head.

What's the difference between homework and a hooker? They both start with an "H", but we all know which one we would like to do.

This Fairy Tail shirt is only $9.99! Guess you can say that's a fair retail.

My friend's mother thought a kid who had autism and Down syndrome called him a "double down."

What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.