Joke jokes
I'm on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it.
Segma says, "32!"
Ligma Says, "And?"
Segma says, "Anding deez balls to your mouth."
Q. What's a bulimic's favorite movie?
A. The Purge.
What's the difference between an orphan and a vegetable?
The vegetable gets picked.
What fell down the tree first, the emo or the apple?
Guess what? The apple, because the emo got left hanging.
What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?
I would never put a canoe in my garage.
What is it called when a depressed person gets a stroke?
A stroke of luck :)
Teacher: "You know you can't sleep in my class."
Boy: "I know. Maybe if you were a little quieter, I could."
What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?
That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.
What do you call a decapitated politician?
A severed head of state.
My fucking life, cya.
Why did Helen Keller's cat run away? I would run away if my name was jufhvfhvurhkso.
What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off!
What did the blind man say as he passed the fish stand?
"Hello Ladies!"
What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other side.
How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them if you keep reloading.
Question: What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?
Answer: He was left hanging.
A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."
What do you call the worst joke ever?
Well, according to my mom, I am.