Joke jokes
My favorite joke: My life.
What do you call a musician 👩‍🎤 who drinks soda and sings 🎤 at the same time?
A popsinger.
Why did Steven Hawking's snot not go to heaven?
Because there is no ramp to heaven.
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand store!
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Hit your wife harder.
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
Why did Bob fall off the swing while playing? Because he had no arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there?
Not Bob.
Why was the boy crying?
He had a frog stapled to his face.
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?
“Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”
What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.
What do you call the girl with no arms and no legs?
Names.
Me: Now I know why Michael Jackson turned white.
The police: You finally figured it out.
Why did the feminist kill herself?
Because she was TRIGGERED.
A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
What’s loud, red and goes at 200mph?
Paul Walker’s Porsche.
The only time rape jokes are okay; is when they aren't forced.
What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?
A LETHAL WEAPON!
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
"If we don’t get some support people will think we are ball sacks..."