Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
Joke Jokes
Q: What do you call 6 gay men in the army?
A: Rainbow Six Siege.
What’s a hairdresser’s favorite roast? Flat iron roast.
Give a man a match; he will be warm for hours.
Set him on fire; he will be warm for the rest of his life.
What's worse than placing 10 babies in a trash can?
Placing 1 baby in 10 trash cans...
A girl named Sally has no arms.
"KNOCK KNOCK"
She never answered...
I told a blind man to read more, so he grabbed my arm and read the whole dictionary.
Me: What did one toilet say to the other?
You: What?
Me: You look flushed!
I came here to laugh.
Why was 10 scared of 9?
Because 9 8 7.
What do you call a Muslim sleepover?
Osamas in Pajamas.
What do you call a white kid at the back of the class?
School shooter.
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking during a house fire.
What do pedophiles call children in wheelchairs?
"Meals on Wheels."
Me: I named my dog Five Miles so I can tell people I walk five miles every day.
Old man: I ran over five miles today.
Christmas special
Me: Can you describe Mrs. Claus in 3 words? Santa: Ho ho ho.
What do you call a broken pencil? Never mind, it's pointless!
What were Stephen's last words? “Battery low.”
What do you call a skunk falling from the sky?
A stink bomb!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The chicken next to him farted.
