Joke jokes
What do you get when I get mixed with coffee?
De-presso.
My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.
Feel my shirt...it's boyfriend material.
Why did piglet go to the bathroom?
To search for Poo.
What's a pirate's favorite key on the keyboard?
Others: R.
Rrrr, you would think so, but it be the C.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
So I went to the binoculars shop the other day. Tell you what, they saw me coming.
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.
How did I get to Iraq? I ran.
I told a joke and someone said, "no one asked." Then I said, "no one would care to even ask."
If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.
Yah, hurtful towards you. Bro took it personally, literally.
What was one phrase Michael Jackson said to a boy in his bed? Baby, be mine.
Guys, we need to stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents might get upset. Oh, wait... never mind.
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
What's worse than a baby in a trash can?
A trash can in a baby.
Somebody told me a chemistry joke. I thought it was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one.
I got kicked out of the library for putting the Women's Rights book in the fantasy section.
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, “A Bloody Mary?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me.”
“Hot water?”
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea.”