Joke jokes
What’s the difference between an orphan and a tomato?
The tomato gets picked.
What's the fastest thing on earth?
An Ethiopian with a McDonald's Voucher.
Why are the Twin Towers and genders so similar?
Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.
What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?
Elton John is still standing.
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, “A Bloody Mary?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me.”
“Hot water?”
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea.”
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
What's worse than a baby in a trash can?
A trash can in a baby.
Somebody told me a chemistry joke. I thought it was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one.
I got kicked out of the library for putting the Women's Rights book in the fantasy section.
What's the difference between a feminist and a pencil?
One of them has a POINT:)
What do you call a cow eating grass?
A Lawn Moo-er.
Déjà Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull before.
What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.
What do you call a running chicken?
Scared.
What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.
Vagina jokes aren’t funny, period.
Why did Steven Hawking's snot not go to heaven?
Because there is no ramp to heaven.
What kind of fish comes out at night?
A starfish.
Sans: Zzzzzzzz.
Papyrus: SANS, WAKE UP!!
Sans: What is it, dude?
Papyrus: A human has fallen from the surface world!
Sans: And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??