Joke jokes
What did the kamikaze instructor say to the students?
"Okay guys, watch very carefully because I can only show you this demonstration once."
A depressed kid wanted to give me a high five.
I just left him hanging.
It's opposite day today. I'm gonna tell an orphan that their parents are here.
Why are orphans so good at GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
I asked, "Where are your parents?" and oh god, I love working at an orphanage.
What is Alabama’s family tree? A circle.
I never do dark jokes, but when I feel like it, I prefer orphan jokes, 'cause they're the safest option. I mean, what are they gonna do, call their parents?
Why did Helen Keller's cat run away? I would run away if my name was jufhvfhvurhkso.
My fucking life, cya.
What do you call a decapitated politician?
A severed head of state.
Teacher: "You know you can't sleep in my class."
Boy: "I know. Maybe if you were a little quieter, I could."
What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?
That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.
What did the blind man say as he passed the fish stand?
"Hello Ladies!"
How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them if you keep reloading.
What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi.
If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
Big hands.
A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."
Question: What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?
Answer: He was left hanging.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other side.
Why can't an orphan play baseball or softball?
They can't find home. 🤣