Joke jokes
What does the hare say to the other hare? You look nice with your hare cut!
What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?
They both have something hanging in their closet.
I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
Read this slow: I 1 2 4 Q?
What did the dick say to the condom?
Cover me, I'm going in. 😚😏
Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.
Why did the girls sit on the clock?
To be on time.
So, I tell my friend a pun about Bach. She freaks out. Then I say, "I hope that wasn't too much to Handel. Don't let it Strauss you out."
For all of my musicians out there!
When is a piece of wood made king?
When it's a ruler.
What do you call a banana eating a banana?
Canabananalism.
Person: "Doctor, doctor, I've only got 50 seconds to live!"
Doctor: "Just give me a minute!"
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
(People will then say "r")
Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.
What's the best part of having sex on a golf course?
The hole experience.
What does a blind man say when he passes the fish market?...."Hello ladies!"
What talks high pitched and can't fly?
A gay man in Iran.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
You can keep the tip.