Joke jokes
You're not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!
I would roast BlessedBrian, but it seems LIFE already did a thorough job.
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
(People will then say "r")
Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.
What's the best part of having sex on a golf course?
The hole experience.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To die.
What does a blind man say when he passes the fish market?...."Hello ladies!"
What talks high pitched and can't fly?
A gay man in Iran.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
You can keep the tip.
Want to hear a joke about milk? No, it's too cheesy.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich?
I don't put my dick in a sandwich before I eat it.
How do you get an emo out of a tree?
Just cut the rope.
What do you call a Muslim sleepover?
Osamas in Pajamas.
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."
Kid 1: "As if."
Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."
Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
Yesterday, I saw a "woman's rights" book in the library, so I put it in the fiction section and got kicked out.
You know Bofa? Bofa deez nuts.
Friend: How dark IS your humor?
Me: It started an organization against cops.