Joke jokes
My life is the joke.
I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...
My grandpa unplugged the AC, so I unplugged his life support.
Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.
Why is it illegal to do reverse cowgirl in Alabama? You never turn your back to your family.
What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?
They both have something hanging in their closet.
What did the dick say to the condom?
Cover me, I'm going in. 😚😏
What does the hare say to the other hare? You look nice with your hare cut!
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.
So, I tell my friend a pun about Bach. She freaks out. Then I say, "I hope that wasn't too much to Handel. Don't let it Strauss you out."
For all of my musicians out there!
Why did the girls sit on the clock?
To be on time.
What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to turn them on before they start to suck.
When is a piece of wood made king?
When it's a ruler.
Wanna hear a joke?
Feminism.
My dad told me to do what he did best, so I left.
My sister told me a joke.
All she said was "my life."
Sonic says: "If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
(People will then say "r")
Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.