Joke jokes
Why do orphans go to church? So that they can call someone Father.
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled, "I know the entire alphabet," and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.
POV: Someone stole Michael Jackson's baby: "He he stole my bab(y), he he."
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but they usually crash and burn.
What's an emo's favorite game?
Limbo.
(If you don't understand the joke, go look up what Limbo is.)
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.
When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"
I said, "I shit you not."
My grandpa unplugged the AC, so I unplugged his life support.
Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.
Why is it illegal to do reverse cowgirl in Alabama? You never turn your back to your family.
What does the hare say to the other hare? You look nice with your hare cut!
What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?
They both have something hanging in their closet.
I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
What did the dick say to the condom?
Cover me, I'm going in. 😚😏
Kid: "What's dark humor?"
Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."
Kid: "I am blind, Mom."
Mom: "Exactly."
What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to turn them on before they start to suck.
What do you call a banana eating a banana?
Canabananalism.
When is a piece of wood made king?
When it's a ruler.
Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!
You: “Knock knock.” Person: “Who’s there?” You: “Leaf.” Person: “Leaf who?” You: “Leaf this house!”
*Apple bottom jeans plays*