Joke jokes
My sister told me a joke.
All she said was "my life."
What do you call four black people in a sleeping bag?
A Kit Kat.
I would roast BlessedBrian, but it seems LIFE already did a thorough job.
What's a Parkinson's victim's least favorite song?
Taylor Swift - "Shake it Off".
My dad told me to do what he did best, so I left.
Person: "Doctor, doctor, I've only got 50 seconds to live!"
Doctor: "Just give me a minute!"
Why did the girls sit on the clock?
To be on time.
Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.
So, I tell my friend a pun about Bach. She freaks out. Then I say, "I hope that wasn't too much to Handel. Don't let it Strauss you out."
For all of my musicians out there!
What’s the difference between a thief and a pervert?
One will snatch your watch, the other will watch your snatch.
I was crying when my dad was cutting onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
(People will then say "r")
Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
What's the best part of having sex on a golf course?
The hole experience.
What does a blind man say when he passes the fish market?...."Hello ladies!"
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich?
I don't put my dick in a sandwich before I eat it.
Want to hear a joke about milk? No, it's too cheesy.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
You can keep the tip.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You make them clap until they go home.