Joke jokes
What's an emo's favorite game?
Limbo.
(If you don't understand the joke, go look up what Limbo is.)
POV: Someone stole Michael Jackson's baby: "He he stole my bab(y), he he."
Why did the girls sit on the clock?
To be on time.
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.
When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"
I said, "I shit you not."
I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...
What did the dick say to the condom?
Cover me, I'm going in. 😚😏
My grandpa unplugged the AC, so I unplugged his life support.
Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.
Why is it illegal to do reverse cowgirl in Alabama? You never turn your back to your family.
What does the hare say to the other hare? You look nice with your hare cut!
Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
Old soviet joke.
"Who is your mother?" "Our great Soviet country." "Who is your father?" "Our dear comrade Stalin." "What's your greatest desire?" "Becoming an orphan."
Kid: "What's dark humor?"
Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."
Kid: "I am blind, Mom."
Mom: "Exactly."
So, I tell my friend a pun about Bach. She freaks out. Then I say, "I hope that wasn't too much to Handel. Don't let it Strauss you out."
For all of my musicians out there!
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
(People will then say "r")
Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
What's the best part of having sex on a golf course?
The hole experience.
What does a blind man say when he passes the fish market?...."Hello ladies!"
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss.