Joke jokes

I was hit on by President Kennedy, too bad I shot him down.

Teacher: What's your favorite animal?

Me: Desert Eagle.

Teacher: Why?

Me: 'Cause it fits in my backpack.

What is a Mexican's favorite sport?

Cross country.

I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).

Three guys are in the woods, a really smart guy, an average guy, and a really dumb guy. They're bored, so the smart guy decides to go hunting. A little while later he comes back with a deer. The average guy asks, "How did you do that?" The really smart guy says, "I see deer tracks, I follow deer tracks, I see deer, I shoot deer." The average guy says, "I think I understand," and leaves. A little bit later he comes back with a raccoon. The really dumb guy goes *gasp*, "How did you do that!?" And the average looks at him funny and says, "Well, I see raccoon tracks, I follow raccoon tracks, I see raccoon, I shoot raccoon." The super dumb guy thinks for a second and says, "Oooohh, ok, I think I can do that..." and leaves.

Hours pass, and the guy finally returns, hurt, bloody, and horribly mangled. They run to help him. Finally, one of the guys asks him what happened. This is what he said: "I see train tracks, I follow train tracks, I see train, I shoot train. But train keep coming."

What do you call a plane with no wings? Sally.

What do kids and drugs have in common? I sell both of them.

What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?

Daddy.

I was going to tell a joke about babies, but I decided to abort.

What do the initials BIBLE stand for?

Bull In Book Lacking Evidence

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.

what do you call a lazy gay?

someone who comes straight out of the closet, and goes straight to the couch.

Want to hear a joke?

Fortnite.

What do a coin and an Irish man have in common?

They're both fun to flip off.

Someone at school judged my grammar.

I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.

My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away.

I never get school shooting jokes.

Maybe they're aimed at a younger audience.

I can tell a joke :)

Twinkle, twinkle, there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.

A policeman once said, "I will never forget 9/11."

I said, "I hope not, that’s your phone number!"