Joke jokes

Why was the emo kid sad? Because his bar code expired.

What does the penis say to the condom? "Cover me I'm going inside."

I was always poked and told at weddings your next...

So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....

Little Johnny is in class one day, and little Timmy starts laughing. The teacher says, "What's so funny?" He said, "I can see your bra strap." The teacher says, "Don't come back to class for a week," so he gets up and walks out. A few minutes later, little Billy starts laughing, and she asks, "What's funny now?" Little Billy said, "I can see both of your bra straps." The teacher says, "Get out of my classroom for a month." So little Billy got pissed, he walked out and slammed the door. This scared the teacher, and she dropped the chalk. She picked it up, then she stood back up, and she sees little Johnny walking out of the classroom. She asked, "Where do you think you're going?" He said, "Well, teach, after what I saw, I'm done with school for a lifetime."

There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.

Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."

What is brown and sticky?

A stick.

So Stephen Hawking walked into a bar - just kidding.

A funny joke scenario.

Person 1: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?

Person 2: Because he had no "body" to go with.

Person 1: Because he was ugly, fat, and nobody liked him.

What do you call an Indian in a Lamborghini?

CURRY in a hurry.

What does a pedophile mostly pound on a piano?

A minor.

How can you surprise someone who is blind?

Leave a plunger in the toilet.

Me: I look up to you.

Friend: Wow, thanks!

Me: But in general cuz your so tall.

How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, cause they'll screw anything.

I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.

I pushed the kid in the wheelchair down the hill, but before I did, I set his wheels on fire and called him "hot wheels."

A homeless man sits in front of a Home Depot. A man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks, "Why are you in front of the Home Depot?" And the man says, "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."

Q: Do you know why transgender people are good at being carpenters?

A: Because they have more experience cutting off their wood.

Q: What is a lesbian's version of a cock block?

A: A beaver dam.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?

He wiped.

What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.