Joke jokes

So, is a homosexual in a coma a fruit or a vegetable?

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil.

Why did Helen Keller wear skin tight pants?

So you could read her lips.

I called the Chinese takeaway yesterday. A man picked up the phone and said: "Hello! I am Wan Kin, the chef." I said that I'll come back later.

Why can't Helen Keller drive?

Because she's a woman.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.

"I hate when people make 9/11 jokes because my grandfather died during the Twin Tower attacks. He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia."

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.

Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".

I was 11 or 12 at the time.

Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...

If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.

"Guess how I got to Germany so fast?"

"Because I was Russian!"

Rape jokes are the funniest thing to ever exist.

What is 80 feet wide and has 22 teeth?

Answer: The front row of a Trump Rally!

I can find the end of time before I find your hairline.

What did a terrorist say when New York didn't want his food?

"Here Comes The Airplane!"

Why is a sick person and California similar? They tend to burn up.

Your hairline looks like someone tried to erase it using Microsoft Paint.

Why did the orphan sleep outside? ... Because he gets to wake up to Mother Nature.

You're so skinny, you could travel through a fax!

What's the only good thing about being an orphan?

All snacks are family sized!

What's the best part about a dead hooker? The second hour is free!