Have you walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
Oh, neither did he.
Joke Jokes
I mean I'd tell you a joke about the pizza I ate, but it's just too cheesy.
What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!
What's the difference between an ISIS militant base and a Pakistani children's school?
I don't know, I just fly the drone.
I once met a skeleton. I asked if I could tell him a joke. He agreed. I told it to him. He found it quite “humerus”.
Why can't the toilet paper cross the road? It was stuck in a crack.
What’s the best part about twenty-eight year olds?
There’s twenty of them.
Why did Sarah fall off the swings? Because she had no arms.
Why couldn't she get up? Because she had no friends.
What do you call a single bisexual?
All bi myself.
What's brown and rather bad for your dental health?
- A baseball bat.
Q: You want to know why I don’t make jokes about 9/11?
A: They tend to crash and burn.
What do you call a girl skeleton dancing?
A bone-étit.
Why are the same Sally jokes told over and over again?
Because how can you tell jokes about someone who's dead?
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw the baby.
Hey guys, Billy has this weird disability where when he has sex with someone, he says their name really loud.
Billy: Hey guys, I just got back from my DADS!!
Wait, what Billy?
What's better than eight kids in a dustbin?
One kid in eight dustbins.
What was the last thing that went through Aiden's head before he died?
His elbow.
Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.
I'd like to relish the fact that you've mustered up the courage to ketchup to my level.
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”