Joke jokes

Wanna hear a funny joke?

My life.

What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?

Fat, you get fat.

What? Were you expecting a pi joke?

Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash.

Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.

Somebody told me a chemistry joke. I thought it was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one.

What is Al-Qaeda's favorite football team? The New York Jets.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Disabled.

I was going to tell a joke about emos in the sea, but it’s dead in the water.

I don't like 9/11 jokes; they have a tendency to crash and burn.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she was hit by a bus.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Thanos snapped.

What do you call a hospital that's flooded with vegetable soup?

What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.

What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.

So my best friend’s boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.

So I told her a ‘single’ joke. Then she said, "Go and f***ing die, you insensitive bitch!"

I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF I will break his body for you. Happy now?"

She said, "Sniff, yes."

So, my best friend's boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.

So I told her a "single" joke, then she said, "Go and fucking die, you insensitive bitch!"

I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF, I will break his body for you—happy now?"

She said, "*sniff* yes."

What did Eminem do when he couldn't get some of his mom's spaghetti?

Well, he didn't make it back to recovery this time...

Why did the feminist kill herself?

Because she was TRIGGERED.

What is the difference between lettuce and a hamburger?

When the lettuce runs, the hamburger cries.

There once was a brother and a sister. So, one night, it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brother's room and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared?" The brother replies with, "Yeah, sure, but just don't tell Mom." So the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boy's penis and asks, "What's that?" And the boy replies with, "That's my pet snake." And the girl asks, "Can I pet it?" And the boy says, "Sure, just don't tell Mom." And the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks, "What happened?" And the girl said, "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit its head off."

A mushroom walks into a bar and tries to hit on a blonde. When she turns him down, he goes to her and says, "C'mon, I'm a fun guy!"

Why did the chicken cross the road? It was running away from Kernel Sanders.

Hehehe