Joke jokes
There was a family, the father's name was Mad, the mother is Brain, the brother's name is Nobody and the sister's name is Everybody.
One day, Nobody killed Everybody, and the father ran to the police's office and screamed, "NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODY!!!!!"
"Sir, are you okay?" The police asked.
"I said, NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODYYYYY!!!!!" The father yelled even louder.
"Are you mad?" The police asked.
"Yes, because my name is Mad!" The father exclaimed.
"Where's your brain?" Asked the police.
"At home because my wife name is Brain," the father said. The police fell down due to the confusion.
A blonde walks into the doctor's office. She tells the doctor, "My boyfriend has dandruff."
The doctor tells her to use Head and Shoulders. She leaves. About an hour later, the doctor's phone rings. He answers, it's the blonde. The doctor asks how he can help her. "Well doctor, I understand head, but how do you 'hove' shoulders?"
What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex?
She was too young.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
School. School is a slavery joke and a Nazi joke combined.
If 7 8 9, why was 10 scared?
Because he was between 9 11.
The difference between my life and a joke is that a joke has meaning.
We are always joking around about being adopted, when really we are still living in the orphanage.
I liked the chocolate mousse cake joke.
Did you?
What goes 200 mph and is red?
Babies in a blender.
What is the pedophile's favorite shoe?
White vans.
What's the difference between dad jokes and bad jokes?
The letter b.
I said "Uranus!" and the girl beside me face-palmed. I wonder what I did wrong?
Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.
What did Papyrus say when Sans served spaghetti to Frisk?
BONE-Appetit!
What did the nose say to the finger?
"Stop picking me!"
Why can't blind people fish?
Because it was "see food."
So, I tell my friend a pun about Bach. She freaks out. Then I say, "I hope that wasn't too much to Handel. Don't let it Strauss you out."
For all of my musicians out there!
What would fall out of a tree first, a depressed person or a feather?
Answer: The feather wouldn't. The rope would stop the person from falling all the way.