Joke jokes
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.
I remember having a crush on my math teacher, so I winked at her and said, "Don't worry, babe, I'll call you later."
I heard a joke about chocolate.
It wasn’t that funny.
I just Snicker-ed.
What's red and really bad for your teeth? A brick.
A Texan and an Alaskan walk in a room. The Alaskan says, "My state is bigger than yours." The Texan says, "It won't be when it melts!"
The worst joke ever.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.
Why was 9 thankful to 6? Because 6 8 7 2.
I saw a dwarf scaling down a prison wall. I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending."
How many rapists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Punchline: One, but they prefer soda bottles instead.
I was looking forward to reading the short jokes to see if I could find my uncle.
Why did the man laugh when he only had just one nickel and one penny in his pocket?
He had a 6 cents of humor.
What kind of clothing should you wear on “hump day”? Camelflouge.
What does "bitch" mean?
Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"
My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.
Him: How do you break things?
Me: You break things up.
Him: Okay.
Me: Is everything okay?
Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.
What does iCloud eat for lunch?
Your documents.
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd-shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
Once there were three Indians. Two were smart and one was... not so smart.
One day, the first smart Indian went out hunting. He came back with a dead deer. The not so smart Indian asks "How'd you do it?"
The smart one replies, "I followed the deer tracks, shot the deer, and brought it home."
The next day, the next smart Indian goes out. He comes back with a dead bear. The not so smart Indian asks once again "How'd you do it?"
The smart one replies, "I followed the bear tracks, shot the bear, and brought it home."
Finally, it's now the not so smart Indian's turn to go hunt. Multiple hours had passed since he left. The smart Indians go out to search for him. They finally find him, bloodied and on the verge of dying. The smart Indians exclaimed "WHAT HAPPENED!"
The not so smart Indian replies,
"Well I... I followed the train tracks, an... and shot th- the train... bu- but it kept going..."
I was walking in the forest with my gf.
I had a Desert Eagle for protection.
A bear jumped out of the bushes; one shot was enough to put my gf down, and it gave me enough time to run away.
Two bald dudes were pulling each other's hair.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.
I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."