Q: What did the person who invented the door knocker get?
A: A no-bell prize.
Joke Jokes
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
Why was 911 annoyed at the pizza guy?
Because they ordered meat lovers, but they got plane.
I've never been to Bradford before until today. While driving through the city center with my dad I asked, "Would you set up a business here?", to which he responded "No".
So I asked "Why not, you'd make us rich!", He gave me a confused face and asked, "How so?".
So I said, "Because sales would be fucking booming!"
I know, it's an awful joke.
Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.
Joker: Knock knock...
Batman: Who's there?
Joker: Not your parents!
Why did Rolf Harris meet underage kids?
To tie his kangaroo down, sport!
What do you call a baby with red on it?
A baby in a microwave.
Do you have dark humor?
Actually, never mind. I was going to tell you a joke about babies dying... but I decided to abort.
How do you find a blind man at a nude beach?
It isn't hard.
Joke: "7 8 9" (seven eight nine), why is 8 (eight) scared of 7 (seven)?
Answer: This is because; in "7 8 9", 8 is pronounced as (ate). So because seven ate nine, eight is scared that seven would eat eight also.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
A man walked into a library. He asked the librarian, "Have you got a book on how to commit suicide?" The librarian replied, "No, you'd never bring it back!"
Are you a train? Because I want you to run over me. :)
What does a cannibal call a pregnant person?
A Kinder Surprise.
Once there was a midget man jumping on a pothole saying 43, 43, 43. A kid walks up to the man and says, "Why are you saying 43, 43, 43?"
The man stops and looks at him, then he starts jumping again and says 43, 43, 43.
The kid asked him again and so on.
Then the man stops, opens the pothole, throws the kid in, closes it, and starts jumping and says 44, 44, 44!!!"
Who is the only person time waits for? Nun.
Why did the skeleton not go to the ball?
He had no-body to go with.
Stop making jokes about Kobe.
Why did the chicken kill himself?
To get to the other side.
