Joke jokes
What's black, has four wheels, and sits at the top of the stairs?
Steven Hawking after a house fire.
The boys joking be like:
One guy: "Balls!"
All the other guys: "Hahahahaha!"
My suicidal friend said he liked trains, so we took him to the tracks.
My friend told me my wrist wasn't a cutting board. So I asked her if hers was at all, and if I could borrow it.
It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.
1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.
"You’re not going to have time to finish this," the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet.
"Yes, I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.
After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing.
1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.
"No, you don’t, I’m not going to accept that. It’s late." The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know who I am?"
"No, as a matter of fact, I don’t," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.
"Do you know who I am?" the student asked again. "No, and I don’t care," replied the professor with an air of superiority.
"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and ran out of the room.
What is the same between water and dark jokes?
Not everyone gets it!
One man's trash is another man's treasure. That sucks when you are adopted.
That moment when the emo kid hangs himself in a bathroom stall, and the autistic kid thinks it's a pinata.
Dislike this if you think orphans are weird.
Like this if you think orphans are cool!
Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?
Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.
What is the same thing between water and dark jokes?
Not everyone gets it!
What’s the difference between broccoli and little girls?
I don’t like the taste of broccoli.
Your hairline goes back to when your dad left you.
Why is September 11th the best birthday?
Everyone remembers it! :)
What's the difference between an orphan and a Chinese kid?
The Chinese kid has a home.
I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.
what do you call a flat road named after George Floyd?
Flat neck road.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for hours.
Light the man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:
"You need to park a little closer."