Joke jokes

Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.

What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.

My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."

How do you break up a fight between two gay men?

Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"

Why should you never make height jokes about dwarfs?

It goes right over their head.

What do you call it when someone fucks shoe inserts?

Orthopediphilia.

What do you call a Mexican with one leg?

Border hopper.

Roses are red, flowers are pretty, I heard your mom has a nice pair of titties.

I don’t like to make jokes around dwarfs.

Simply because they look up to me.

What did the cow say to the leather chair?

“Hi Mom!”

How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?

Tell him that it is a confessional booth.

What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?

Fast food.

What do you call a crowd of horny white women?

A field of cotton waiting to be picked.

I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.

Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.

Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.

What do you call a dog turd in China?

Waste of food.

What’s worse than running with scissors?

Scissoring with the runs!

Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.