it's jokes
"Jiggle balls, jiggle balls, jiggle all the way."
"Dr. Squatch will heal the itch, and know it goes away, hey!"
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."
20 years later
Johnny: Hey dad.
Dad: Yea?
Johnny: Fuck you, I ain't comin' back to your grave in 16 years, then ima come back, BITCH!
Dad: Doing the same thing I did to you and your mother, ay? I deserve it :( ;O not real...NOT A FUCKING ALL.
Johnny: Yea you kinda fucking do.
Dad:...
Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?
It scares the shit out of her dog.
Me: I know a good 9/11 joke, but it would probably go over your head.
The Twin Towers: No, it won’t.
I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he's still making fun of me.
My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.
Why does the orphan hate family jokes?
Cus it doesn't have one.
I searched up hornets and then said that it will leave a sting.
What’s the opposite of an exorcism?
It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
Hey guys. I just wanted to say, while I think some rape jokes can be funny, not one of these are. In fact, I find them pretty horrifying.
I was raped when I was fourteen (about six years ago), and I have made one rape joke in my entire life when, last year, I said "I don't fuck with rapists, I just get fucked by them." I thought it was funny. No one else did, and they were probably right in that.
My point is this: rape jokes CAN be funny when they are used by victims as a way of coping with trauma. They CANNOT be funny when they are made about raping someone else. Even if there is a difference between joking about raping someone and raping someone, it is absolutely disgusting to think such a horrific crime is funny, and I am sure at least some of the posters on this page have already crossed the line into committing rape.
Great material for social scientific research, though, gentlemen. Really well done.
Why is ten afraid?
Because it’s in the middle of 9/11.
I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"
I heard an unusual word the other day: "Opaque."
Unfortunately, what it means is unclear.
You know some of these jokes took me 9 minutes and 11 seconds to realize. When I did, it hit me like a plane.
Why couldn’t the bike stand up? Cuz it was too tired.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
It's me. I can't get in because Stephen Hawking is blocking the door!
Why does the Tower of Pisa lean?
Because it has better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
McDonald's was originally called "Mac and Dick," so, if you think about it, you could be enjoying a Big Dick instead of a Big Mac.
It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.