it's jokes

You know what's the worst about having a daughter with cancer?

You can't pull her hair when you hit it from the back.

How do Chinese people get their names? Their parents throw woks down the stairs and name their children after the sound it makes.

Stop making autism jokes, calling us "retards". It is cool.

What do you call a dead hooker?

It doesn't matter, she won't answer you.

I was in a bar in Italy. Me and a hot chick got along, so I asked her for her number. I remembered that there was a pen in my pocket, but when I searched, it was nowhere to be found. I turned back, then I saw Pessi running with it. Shame on you, Pessi, for ruining my night! 😭

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? 327.

My favorite planet is Saturn because it is tight next to Uranus.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the idiot's door.

Knock, knock!

It's the chicken.

What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common?

That it will never get old.

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? At least it was a soft drink.

My girlfriend said, "GIMME EIGHT INCHES AND MAKE IT HURT!"

So I pumped my dick in her 4 times and hit her in the head with a brick.

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, there are 69 in my basement, and it's still dark.

1. Your face is so ugly, I thought it was deformed. It probably was anyways.

2. Even if Donald Trump had time to build a wall, it was probably so you won't squish us with your fatass.

If someone says your face is deformed, just say that's what happens when I look at you.

Welcome.

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer.

My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path."

People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor. Lol.

So I came across a guy who was carrying a ton of clothing and makeup.

And I asked him what he is doing.

Guy: Some kawaii girl told me if I bought and brought her this crap, she would let me play with her tits.

Me: Erm... Are you a simp?

Two minutes later, the guy arrived at Kawaii Girl's house.

KG: You have it?

Guy: Yup, now can I play with them?

KG: Sure!

KG then went to her room.

Guy: Ohhhh, I know what your going to do. You're gonna call me over and you will be-

KG then held a bird cage with two birds in it.

KG: Have fun playing with them!

Guy: WHAT THE FU-

If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...

I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well." My brother said, "You want a sugar cookie?"

I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.

The bear rug on Chuck Norris's floor isn't dead, it's just afraid to move.

What's the difference between Jesus and a gay person?

One created the rainbow, the other one ruined it.

(Yes, I know God created the rainbow, not Jesus.)