it's jokes
Your hairline's exactly like your nose; it's always offside.
I am like Cookie Monster on steroids when it comes to cookies.
Why couldn't the sunflower ride its bike? It lost its petals!
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
Doctor: Tomorrow is like John Cena, you won’t see it.
What is it called when an orphan takes a family photo? A selfie.
If O2 is H2O, what is F?
It is H2O too; F is water as well.
What is more fun than spinning a clown around on a clothes line at 100 miles an hour?
Stopping it with a pitchfork.
Why can't a t-rex clap? Because it's dead.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
Why? You ask.
Because it only takes one charge to bring it back to life.
Yo mom's so fat, I went over to her house a few years ago and wanted to watch TV.
So I asked for the TV remote, and she's still trying to get it!
What did the grape say when the Meerkat stepped on it?
It said nothing, just let out a little wine.
Your forehead is so big you could roast meat on it.
How many Kardashians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One really small one and one really small black guy.
What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?
"I'm totally dogging it today..."
"Does this make any cents?" a man says.
"Oh, it does make cents," me. <-- thing: Lemin"aid" <-- another joke.
What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?
An ingestigation.
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor? You nail its other hand to the floor.
Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
Because it died.
What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.