it's jokes
I'm listening to a song about fish--it's very catchy.
One time, I bought a magnet. My wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself; I felt attracted to it.
We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.
Is it okay to say "nice to meat you" to a vegan?
Why does it take longer for women to orgasm than men?
Who cares?
If you steal a lottery ticket, is it considered Grand Theft Lotto?
How do you get a baby to stop crying?
Simple... you staple its mouth shut.
What do you call it when Portericans surround your house?
A spicket fence!
Why didn’t Harry Potter use the chamber to teach Dumbledore’s army?
Because at one point poisonous gases were put in it.
Why did the math book go to the psychologist?
It had too many problems.
It's a tower.
No, it's a plane.
Me: Nope, it's 9/11.
Why is it okay to make fun of orphans?
Because they can't tell their parents.
Why is the Pentagon mad?
Because it didn't get two pizzas, but only one plane pizza.
I kicked a goose, and I liked it!
How did Helen Keller die?
Her ex gave her plutonium and told her to eat it.
Hey, I have a joke!
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of its clause!
What do you call it when Neil Armstrong started cuming in space?
The Milky Way.
Officer: Hi, how high are you?
Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"
Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.
Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.
Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.
I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.
Yeah, it was a shih tzu.
Why do women have no need for umbrellas? Because it doesn't rain in the kitchen.