it's jokes
When you're sad, don't feel down about yourself. Break a leg, and you'll forget all about it.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... That is... if you throw it hard enough.
Your mama is so stupid, her phone died, so she buried it in the backyard!
There was this intern that worked at an orphanage, and she burnt it down. Luckily, she doesn't have to tell her parents.
9/11 was like the 4th of July. It was very bright in the skies.
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.
I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.
... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
Hurricane Irma, it blows.
There is a rich child and a poor child. The rich child invites the poor child to his house and shows him all the toys and tells him: "Look at what a beautiful radio-controlled airplane I have! You don't have it because you are poor!" The poor child answers: "You're right, it's very nice, but I have one thing that you don't have!" The rich child then invites him into the garden and shows him the swimming pool, the trampoline, and all the other games that can be done outdoors and says to the poor child: "Look at that beautiful swimming pool I have! It is very big; you don't have it because you are poor!" And the poor child says: "Beautiful, it is really beautiful! But one thing that you don't have." So the rich child feels bad. He says: "Wait, but I'm rich! How is it possible? I have everything I want because I'm rich. Why do you have something that I don't have?" And the poor child says: "I have cancer!"
The water in the shower evaporates before it reaches you.
A grasshopper tries playing cricket. It failed and got eaten by the bat.
The bakery I worked at got robbed. They demanded the dough; apparently, it couldn't be baked first.
How does Moses prepare his tea? -- Hebrews it.
How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? -- Just Juan.
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.
When two wheelchairs hit each other, is it a fender bender?
Why did the baby cross the road?
Because it was stapled to a chicken.
Why can't America play chess?
Because it lost two towers.
If cancer was a person I’d shake their hand and say: "Thank you for your service."
Sorry if it’s too far, but don’t come here if you can’t take it.
I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.
The best part of you ran down your mother's leg... Einstein got ready to climax while doing math but realized you can't cumtilyain cumtilion. It's after sucktillion fucktillion.