it's jokes

My friend gave me sugar for my birthday. She thought it was cheap; I thought it was pretty sweet.

Billy: *spits out food*

Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.

Dad: *looks at mom*

Mom: Shut up.

If you get it, you get it.

It's weird how Stephen Hawking's last name sounds like "walking and talking," but he could not do either of those!

Why can't orphans work at S. C. Johnson? Because it's a family company.

Why was the ant so confused?

All of its uncles were ants.

Germany: As long as America stays out of the war, we should win.

Japan: *bombing Pearl Harbor* Cowabunga It Is!!

Which city holds the record for the most suicides committed from a gorilla jumping off a tall building?

It was called Fall-adelphia.

Ahhhhh shit! IT’S HUNTING SEASON y’all!

So, Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well, come with me out to my dad's car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"

"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."

The blind person can’t eat fish, it’s “sea food”.

What did the squirrel say when he chewed some saggy boobs?

Is it just me or do these taste like nuts?

OnlyFans, but it’s me smacking your baby daddies with Twisted Tea.

Only Cans.

What if the ocean just raided Titanic of its people? Like instead of it flooding, it was raiding it and threatened the passengers if they told, so they just said an iceberg flooded the ship.

What happened to the frog that parked illegally?

He was toad away.

Get it?

How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?

None. Feminists can't change anything.

Dark jokes are like food, not everybody gets it.

Spend all night in a dark humor webpage.

Go to an orphanage today and read it to them.

And I'm sure if you go to a school for disabled children, they should understand it.

Stormtrooper: What happened to the Jedi Order?

Palpatine: Slew it!

If an orphan takes a photo... Well done! It's a family photo!