it's jokes

I was going to tell you a joke about a pencil, but now it is pointless.

My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told my friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him to.

Confused, my friend asked me what it was. I told him, "The Sandy Hook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."

Does it make me gay if I kiss your dad and he decides to drill my ass?

I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."

Why do orphans like to go to church?

It is the only place where they can call a father.

There is a feminist group in my town.

It is called Gal-Qaeda.

(I actually got this from The Simpsons, so credit to the show.)

What's one thing you should never ask a suicidal person? "Are you okay?" because the next day they'll either be dead or have a lot more cuts than they started with.

To those who are dead now, was it fun?

Q: How do you know a wishing well works?

A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.

Once, there was a brother and a sister that shared a YouTube channel. He named it "Penis Dick Marathon."

Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.

Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?

God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!

Why was the orphan single? Because it could not call someone "daddy".

I decided to make a charity bungee jump for the local disabled. It's called "Spastics on Elastics."

An Aussie, an Asian, and a Frenchman are in a bar.

The Asian throws his whiskey in the air and shoots it. The Frenchman asks, "Why did you do that?" The Asian says, "There are plenty of them where we come from."

The Frenchman throws his champagne in the air and shoots it. Then the Aussie asks, "Why did you do that?" The Frenchman replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."

The Aussie then throws his beer up in the air and shoots the Asian. Then the Frenchman asked, "Why did you do that?" The Aussie then replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."

I hate it when you say your life is a joke because a joke actually has meaning.

Question; Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In" Freezer?

Answer; It's because that is where EVERYONE goes to "Hang Their Meat"!

Why is it ok to hit an orphan?

Because they can't call their parents.

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

I was going to make a joke about a piece of paper.

It's just too tear-able.

Why can't you go home tonight? Because you haven't got a home, it's moved.