it's jokes

What is it called if your mom does not make it to your birth?...

An abortion.

I like my women like I like my coffee.

Without other people's dicks in it.

This is my fidget spinner, I got it in my Easter basket.

I just came up with a really good deaf people joke! The great thing is that they won't be able to hear it!

Why do you put a baby into a blender feet first?

So you can see the look on its face...

The teacher says to do your homework. I do. My friends do. One person never does any of his homework.

Eventually, we had to have fun. He said he didn't do it. WOW what did he do? I like to think he got smacked and nearly committed suicide.

I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!

Broccoli is like anal sex. If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.

Do you want to hear a joke about paper?

Never mind, it's tear-able.

A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out. The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him. The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!” The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT! The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”

Famous last words.

Twin towers: “Is it a bird, is it Superman? AAAAAHHHHHH SHHHHHIIIIIIIIIZZ!”

It was September 10, 2001, when I stayed up watching TV shows.

I woke up late for work at The World Trade Center, but it was burning. I said out loud, "I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean... I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.

You wanna hear a joke? It's YOU.

I had a joke about pizza, it's just too cheesy.

I love your mom and dad's joke! They made it together and called it your name.

Want to hear a joke? I swear it isn't about my life again.

My mom and dad made a joke together and called it "yeetsu" (me)!

My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.

How many times do you tickle an octopus to make it laugh?

Ten-tickles.

Did you ever hear the story about the broken pencil? That's okay. There is really no point to it.

Why is the tire so tired?

Because it is tired out.