it's jokes

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because it's not original at all.

What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? The rabbi cuts it off, and the priest sucks it off.

I bought my son an Xbox in 2017. It’s now 2018, and I’m still waiting for him to open it.

A man takes a boy into the woods.

Boy says:

"Mister, I’m scared, and it’s dark and cold."

The Man: "How do you think I feel? I’m walking out here alone!"

Why take a nap on the toilet?

Because it's a restroom.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as you like. They can’t change anything.

I wish my lawn was emo, because then it would cut itself.

I told my doctor I ate a bunch of bananas. It wasn’t a very a-peeling experience.

Have you tried eating a clock?

It's time-consuming!

How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.

A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.

The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."

So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"

The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".

Is it just me, or are magnets really attractive?

I was going to make a 9/11 joke, but I'm afraid it will crash and burn.

Three people having sex is a threesome; two people is a twosome. So next time someone calls you "handsome," don't take it as a compliment.

I hate it when people are at my house and ask, "Do you have a bathroom?" What answer are they expecting? "No, we pee in the yard?"

Why was it so hot in a square room? Because all the corners are 90 degrees.

A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"

You're gay, except it...

They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, well not if it's poisoned.

Then the antidote becomes the most important.