INS jokes
I was digging in a garden once and found a chest full of gold. I wanted to show my wife, but then I thought about why I was digging in the first place.
What is one question on a tech test you should always ask before getting down?
What in the Robot!?
Q: Why doesn’t Jimmy Swaggart worry about his premature ejaculation problem?
A: He believes in the second cumming.
What do 9/11 and 911 have in common?
They're twins.
What does a school bus crash and a train crash have in common?
They always line up.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
Your mom is so ugly her face would split in half when she sees you.
The Pope drives around in a glass box, or as I like to call him, a sniper's dream.
My dad tells me and my sister to stop arguing, so she elbowed me in my damn nose.
I will remember my brother's last words: if you can't put a fork in a toaster, how about a spoon?
There’s this girl who gets bullied for being in a wheelchair.
Why don’t she stand up for herself?
When you are chilling in the World Trade Center, and then you suddenly get airplane WiFi.
Why do orphans have water in cereal?
Because mom was never around to produce milk.
Me: Hey, do you live in the ocean?
Random guy: Why?
Me: Because you look like a whale.
What is long, hard, and has cum in it?
A cucumber.
How to be a hero.
1. Tie a noose in your front yard.
2. Find and capture a furry.
3. Hang that furry because they deserve it.
It’s easy as 1-2-3!
When your parents ask you to take out the trash, you knock out your brother, put him in a closet, and when your parents ask where he is, you say, "I took him out like you said."
I put the Christmas balls in my sack.
Why did the sick juice tree go to the hospital? Because it needed lemin-ade (not the cool type of sick, the one where you are in the hospital). Lemin-ade 1st ade.
Want to hear a joke? Just look in the mirror!