INS jokes

Q: What's red and screams?

A: A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

In about ten days, Stephen Hawking's wheelchair is going to have its first and last service.

There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.

Whoever put an "s" in the word "lisp" was a jackass!

Why do orphans dip their Oreos in water?

Because the dad never came with the milk.

When it's cold outside, men can cut ice in three places.

Yo mamma is so stupid, she returned a donut because it had a hole in it.

Better to cum in the sink... than to sink in the cum.

What does the M and D in "orphan" stand for?

"Mum" and "Dad."

What did the cactus look like with his tuxedo on?

Sharp! 🤣

My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.

They were both druids.

Where did the king put his armies?

In his sleevies.

Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?

I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...

An orphan and a homeless man get into a fight, so he yells in a mirror.

A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"

Dad joke time:

What do you call a cow in an earthquake?

A milkshake.

"I hate when people make 9/11 jokes because my grandfather died during the Twin Tower attacks. He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia."

Are you sure your father isn't a thief?

Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

What do you call somebody in America that is smart?

An immigrant.

A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let's hear" said the teacher.

"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit." "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife." "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops." "She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

Pin drop silence in the class!

"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk...!!!!"