INS jokes

I got kicked out of the library for putting the Women's Rights book in the fantasy section.

Did you know that French fries aren't from France? They're cooked in Greece.

So, an Irish man is walking his poodle, and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints.

So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says, "Sorry, you can’t go in." The Irish man says, "Why can’t I go in?" "Well, you have a dog, sir, and that sign over there says no dogs allowed. You’re going to have to leave him outside." Well, the Irish man thinks quick and says, "I’m blind; it’s a seeing eye dog." The owner says, "That’s ridiculous. A seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that." The Irish man says, "Well, what kind of dog did they give me??"😂

How did Aby get away from Mr. Ryan in Iran? He ran!

What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?

I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!

Grew up playing Fruit Ninja on my iPad. Spent time with my online sister playing multiplayer.

Now I play it in school with an awesome small steel blade.

I’m not allowed my phone during school hours and I have to give it in at the start of the day...

Which two football teams played in the pirate Superbowl?

The Seahawks and the Buccaneers.

Who are the fastest readers?

9/11 victims, they went through 91 stories in 11.2 seconds.

What does food and dark humour have in common?

Not everybody gets it.

What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?

"May I push your stool in?"

What can fly underwater?

A mosquito in a submarine.

This is really mean...

A man put a blind man in a circular room and said, "Your dinner's in the corner."

What's the same with shoes and slaves?

When they get loose, you tie them up.

What do you call a monkey in a minefield?

A baboom.

I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!

What did the phone receptionist at the suicide hotline tell the callers?

Hang in there!

If you have an Autistic child, don't worry. Put your trust in God and pray it gets kidnapped.

There are 10 types of people in this world.

Those that know binary and those that don't.

What’s a foot on one end, a foot on the other end, and a foot in the middle?

A meter stick.

It's okay to tell a Stephen Hawking joke if there are stairs in your house he can't get to you. Plus, he shut himself down, so it's all good :)