INS jokes

Hang in there, you all, Literally.

Our family is known for unusually sloppy diarrhea.

It runs in our jeans.

What do emo boys and emo girls have in common? They both wanna die and cut so they can die faster, but they are already dead, already dead to me!

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and called it "Hot Wheels."

Hey guys, today's funniest prank: is when I poured a bunch of red wine into the chicken salad...to be honest, it was a TON of wine I poured in there! My family could not tell the difference at all! Anyway, bye, that's the prankster! Next time or see you next time!

My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.

One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.

Me: Kills the boss and takes his loot.

Everyone else in the office: 😱

Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?

Well, probably the person in front of them.

Your mom's just like a penny. Practically worthless, and in everyone's pants.

Any singular person who makes fun of the Chinese in any of these posts is deemed a 他妈的傻逼.

Joke not up for debate.

Out of a total population of 1.3 billion, no one in Africa actually speaks "African."

What do blind kids and orphans have in common?

They both can't see their parents.

What is red and cries and spins around and around?

- A baby in a microwave.

When Stephen Hawking was feeling hungry, he used to call in to his local PC World for a megabyte and some microchips.

What do ICE and Mexican drug cartels both have in common?

They both kidnap Canadian women!

What do suicidal people and apples have in common?

They both hang from trees.

A guy told a beautiful girl, "Hey, I want to make love to you. If I throw $2000 when you go to pick it up, that's when I'll go. Is that okay?"

She called her husband, and he said, "Okay, but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down."

Four hours later, she shows up to her house and tells her husband, "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS!"

Jay and Andrew are best friends who are almost alike. The difference between them both is Jay is poor and well... Andrew, on the other hand, is suck-a-dick poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes up in his room, walks to the kitchen, and asks his mom, Lisa (I call her Lisa now, btw), if there is anything to eat. "No, bitch!" she replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed.

Now Andrew... wakes up, jumps out of bed, and he's in the kitchen. He sees his mom fixing some food for work after a long hard night of giving her husband blue balls. "Anything left for me, Mother?" Andrew asks. "Sorry, Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again." *so she goes to work, taking her time* Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself, "Man... I'd suck a dick for some water right now." *his mom storms back after hearing what he had said* "I'll buy you a soda if you do my first customer for me!"

I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"

He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"

What do shemales and barns have in common?

Cocks.