INS jokes
Did you know emo kids are the highest jumpers in the world? Some are still up there!
My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.
I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?
Are you interested in it?
More than two boot branches.
What do you call a hippo that has been thrown in a pan?
Hippo-POT-amus!
How do you punish Helen Keller?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
WTF is this?
A Mexican is drunk and he has a passenger in the car, and the passenger asked, "Where are we going?"
The Mexican says, "I'm not driving, the drunk guy is."
Hey, people don't fly with suicide jokes.
In fact, they hang with them!
How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
What's red and white and lives in a blender?
A baby.
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
Where is the most dangerous place for a human being to be?
In the womb of a woman who wants to abort her unborn baby. 😢
Hello guys. It's me, Donald fuckin' Trump. Ask me anything in the comments, guys.
Closer kin, deeper in!
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Characteristics: - Highly reactive only in Bolivia and Panama 😡🤬 - Turns invisible when in Brazil or Uruguay 🥵🤧 - Finished 😹🤕 - 0 protons 0 electrons 0 goals 0 assists 7 debuts 🥶
Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.
Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.
Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.
How do you keep a moron in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow!
If I was going to the doctor, he asked me to turn around, and he stuck a nettle in my ass.
Why do Jews suck at mugging?
Because all they ask for is the spare change in your pockets.
What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? They both want to get there before the hare does.
Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.
So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...