INS jokes
Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"
Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"
Friends call me crack miser, whatever I snort. My brain starts to distort! I'll be in court.
Did you know the F in Orphan stands for family?
Abortion clinics are kind of like NAZI gas chambers. Less people come out than go in.
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
Neither can see their parents.
People claim that Trump has Russian ties. That’s not true, just some crazy conspiracy theorists. All of Trump's ties are made in China.
A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.
You need to be a complete dick.
Why do Black people dip their Oreos in water?
Because daddy never came back home with the milk.
Radiohead had to remake "Fake Plastic Trees" after encountering Carrie Underwood in real life for the first time.
Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?
What's harder than steel?
Michel Jackson in an orphanage.
I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.
Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
I bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
Why do people in Alabama like eating sandwiches? They like things in bread.
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive!
I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.
The priest is in jail now.
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?
A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!