INS jokes

Necrophilia in Alabama is fun for the whole family, even grandma.

Yo mama's so stupid she got locked in Mattress World and slept on the floor.

Warning, this is dark.

How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch? Give 'em a Sandy Hook.

If an orphan tells you there's 365 days in a year, tell them for you it's only 363 days because you skip Father's Day and Mother's Day.

Osama's aim was horrible. One of his angry birds missed and hit a field in Pennsylvania.

What was the favorite game in 2001? Flight simulator.

Me telling a depression and suicide joke in front of my friends.

My friends: ........ Oh wait, I don't have any, so nothing to worry about here.

What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?

A bath bomb.

What starts off fun and ends in bankruptcy?

UNPROTECTED SEX.

Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?

A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.

A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.

You need to be a complete dick.

Why do Black people dip their Oreos in water?

Because daddy never came back home with the milk.

Radiohead had to remake "Fake Plastic Trees" after encountering Carrie Underwood in real life for the first time.

I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.

Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.

Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive!

Why do people in Alabama like eating sandwiches? They like things in bread.

Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?

Friends call me crack miser, whatever I snort. My brain starts to distort! I'll be in court.

Abortion clinics are kind of like NAZI gas chambers. Less people come out than go in.

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.