INS jokes
Where did Lucy go in the bombing... Everywhere.
How do inmates keep in touch?
They have cell phones.
In our history class we were on our China unit and learning a little about gunpowder.
And I said "WOAH THAT'S LIT!"
A man with a mullet walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "The party's in the back!"
A guy was annoyed in a store. I walk up to him and said, "What's wrong, buddy? Don't worry, it's not like you're on an abandoned isle!"
How many times can 46 go into 8? Just hop in the van and find out.
What do you get when you throw a pebble in the ocean?
A wet pebble.
Q. How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Gotta be more than 9 'cause my basement is still dark.
What is the fastest cake in the world?
Scone.
How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but how they got in there's the real mystery!
Where do you think all the orphans went?
In the World Trade Center, I trapped them in so they can finally get to their parents.
What's the difference between a baby and a pizza?
One does not crow when you put it in an oven.
What is the difference between the human and a tree and a house that has to walk home and walk walk home from school? Was your name in your house? I did not have any good time for dinner today, but I did have a good night's sleep.
How do you make Alabama cookies?
Put them in a big bowl and beat for three hours.
I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" and the man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon!"
I put my leg up in the air sometimes, singing ayo, I'm a flamingo...
What did the toilet paper say when he got stuck in a crack on the side walk?
"I got stuck in a butt crack!"
Good day today, love you. Walk in love day and a walk home night. Night, night. I did not get snow. I love it is the day that we get a tree. I have to go get some sleep. Was good day at school today, but I’m going to be...
Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!
What do inner city schools and databases have in common?
Their problems are usually caused by a race condition.