INS jokes
"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone's dying to get in!"
I walked into the doctor's surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." I said, "Capricorn." He said, "Nah, you got cancer."
What does my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?
Me: Me.
Friend: *does nothing*
(x_x)
I forgot that I don't have friends.
Why can't an orphan get 5 stars in GTA? Because they are not wanted.
The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.
"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.
"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.
Little Johnny walked into his house. He heard a banging sound from up above and decided to investigate. He opened the door to his parents' room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door. He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.
What was one phrase Michael Jackson said to a boy in his bed? Baby, be mine.
"So I asked a genie if he could grant me this wish. I wished to be like Michael Jackson. The next day, I was in a playground full of little kids."
What do you call a baby with red on it?
A baby in a microwave.
what do you call a rape victim in Ukraine?
Debris.
Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.
How often do emos go swimming in a lifetime?
Just once.
My dad came over late at night. He was drunk. He started telling me how useless I was. Then I went to the kitchen, grabbed a knife, and stabbed him in the chest 47 times.
Three minutes later, he died. Now I’m losing my mind and cutting myself.
Dad: Want to go to the park, kid?
Kid: Sure.
Dad: Come on.
Kid: Why are we at the orphanage?
Dad: Go in.
"You're the bomb"—a compliment in the USA.
An argument in the Middle East.
What is the funniest hill in the world called? Hill-arious!
Location is in London by the way.
One day a fatass came home and told his friend that he lost money.
His friend: "Oh for once you lost some pounds!"
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Like petals in the wind, My heart dances for you.
What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common They both get laid by Mexicans