INS jokes
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.
In 2021, we won't need an April Fool's prank. Just think of Joe Biden and call it a day.
Yesterday I was in a wind storm.
Today my ears hurt. I guess the wind was ear-itating.
How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
A man hits a woman with his car. Whose fault was it?
The man, why was he driving in the kitchen?
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
What's the best way to get ten babies in a bowl?
A blender.
What's the best way to get them out?
A blender.
Patient: Doctor, every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up. What's wrong with me?
Doctor: I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.
Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?
Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!
Have you ever stepped in Stephen Hawking's house?
Neither has he. 😂😂
What do you call someone who is in an airplane crash who was a 2006 Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes?
Josef Vasicek.
What do pedophiles and a SpongeBob intro have in common?
Are you ready kids?
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
What does the PH stand for in "orphan"?
Yo hair so big it took me weeks to find the needle in it.
I like my women like I like my wine: 12 years old, in the basement, and locked up.
Why did the plane crash in the ocean? Because the pilot saw steward Undercut!
So there was a school shooting in Florida. Why didn't the shooter just go to Disney?.......sorry, I just work there and I'm trying to get people to come on down.
Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.
P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?
P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?
P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).
P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*
Why are there no guns in China? They might do some "ting wong!"