INS jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it looked in the mirror.
A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.
Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
The tortoise was swimming through the lake. His head got stuck in plastic. He said, "Oh dam."
Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."
The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."
When you're working in the Twin Towers and your computer connects to the airplane wifi.
What is six inches, goes in your mouth, and it's fun when it vibrates? A toothbrush.
What does weed and the Carolina Panthers have in common?
They both get smoked in bowls.
What is the difference between a priest and McDonald's? Nothing, they both stick their meat in between 12-year-old buns.
Michael J. Fox goes in to get a haircut. He comes out missing an ear.
What do Indian and Jewish people have in common?
They both avoid the showers at all times.
I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"
What is something in common with gay people and ambulance trucks?
They both take it out the back and go "woo woo!"
Here's some of my weird jokes:
What are rhinos? They're unicorns that let themselves go.
Joke # 2: Why do triangles try every angle of its house? Because it's in its name.
Joke # 3: Wanna hear a cheesy joke? Sorry, the mouse got to the cheese first.
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
Daddy bear said, "Somebody's been sleeping in my bed!"
Mummy bear said, "It was probably your whore, Linda!"
So I came across a guy who was carrying a ton of clothing and makeup.
And I asked him what he is doing.
Guy: Some kawaii girl told me if I bought and brought her this crap, she would let me play with her tits.
Me: Erm... Are you a simp?
Two minutes later, the guy arrived at Kawaii Girl's house.
KG: You have it?
Guy: Yup, now can I play with them?
KG: Sure!
KG then went to her room.
Guy: Ohhhh, I know what your going to do. You're gonna call me over and you will be-
KG then held a bird cage with two birds in it.
KG: Have fun playing with them!
Guy: WHAT THE FU-
My dad died in 9/11.
But he was the pilot.
Why is a giraffe's neck so long?
Because his head is so high up in the air.
Kid starts shooting people in school, teacher asks “why are you doing that”. He responds, “I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas”
What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?
"Put it in my bill."