INS jokes
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie!
I think I was a little too harsh on Jason.
Anybody who was conceived in the back of a pickup truck during a family reunion is bound to have a few issues.
Yo mama so fat, she can’t even fit in the living room!
My brother got his legs chopped off, but someone FBI opened my basement door, but it wasn't my brother because he died of starvation in the basement.
Where did Sally go during the bombings? Everywhere!
Why didn’t the parents bother looking for her? Because she was in the front and back yard in small chunks! 😂
Why did orphans have to drink their own piss?
Because last time they went to the bar, they went with their dad and drank some Corona, then got drunk and started eating someone's toenails, so his dad went to go get the milk and everybody had to evacuate the bar. Then the orphan started walking on his teeth and got listed for the top ten wanted animals in the world, so then he felt wanted and went to go home and had nobody to go to, so he found the beer bottle he drunk out of and started pissing in it so he wouldn't die and loved it. So then someone saw him in the bushes pissing in a beer bottle then drinking, so the person who saw him started recording and posted it on YouTube, and the boy became famous, so now he can feel like he was wanted in life after daddy went to go get the milk, then the little boy became really rich.
What’s an orphan’s favorite cereal?
Because it’s the only magical string in his life.
Why was the picture in jail? Because it got framed!
What do ya call a legless prostitute in a strawberry field?
A jammy cunt.
The orphanage was open in apps, but I didn’t see the home button.
Pigeons can be annoying at times, especially when their bones get stuck in-between your teeth.
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.
GF: What do you think of our love?
BF: Count the stars in the sky.
GF: Aww... It's infinity!
BF: Nope. It's just a waste of time.
Why can't orphans go to the hospital? Because it is a family hospital. Sorry for the long break in between my jokes. I just had some family stuff, but I am back.
Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words. His response was, "Ho ho ho."
How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.
One night I was sitting on my bed in my room, minding my own business. It was pretty late, around 10 PM. The glow of my laptop screen was the only light in the room. I heard a noise coming from behind me. It sounded like the door was opening, but there was no one else in the house.
I turned around and found Mr. Incredible standing in my doorway, a stern look on his face. He walked over to me, slowly and dramatically. Then he leaned over and pointed his finger at my face, only about two inches away now. I was frozen with my back against the wall. Then, Mr. Incredible said something I would never forget: "Stop pirating video games."
Ever since that day, I have never gone on a pirating website and have paid legally for my video games. True story.
Friend: What are you doing?
Me: Putting peanut butter on my balls.
Friend hears in the distance, "Orphans, I have food for you!"
What do you do when you finish a magazine at school? Put another one in and continue!