INS jokes

What do autistics, women, and chinks have in common? They can't fuckin' drive.

Why is Jesus in pieces?

Because a one man band is Nine Inch Nails.

How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.

Your momma so ugly, when the Kool-Aid man burst in the door, he said, "Oh no!"

There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!

So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.

So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"

1) Did you hear the one about the school shooting? Actually, I better not... You wouldn't understand, it's aimed more towards a younger audience.

2) 6 was scared cuz 7 8 9, so why was 10 scared? Because it was in between 9/11.

3) 10 dead babies.

I think I was a little too harsh on Jason.

Anybody who was conceived in the back of a pickup truck during a family reunion is bound to have a few issues.

I'm in the year 1930...

The Great Depression.

Teacher: Johnny, can you use a sentence with "definitely" in it?

Little Johnny: Do farts have lumps in them?

Teacher: Of course not, Johnny.

Little Johnny: Then I’ve definitely shat myself.

How do you make a body disappear?

You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!

P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.

The first thing a man looks at in a woman, is her heart.

The fact that her breasts block the view is not her fault.

I had to run out of the library because I put the cookbooks in the women's sports section.

What do you call a man in love with an emo?

I really don't know.

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "He was a little tardy."

I replied to her, "I thought they all were."

My doctor asked my brother if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.

He replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it!"

If you have a friend that will not leave you alone about something, just simply tell them: "If you watch something, have you ever thought that you're in a movie when you watch a movie?"

Why was the rapper always in good shape?

Because he dropped the mic and picked up weights!

Hello, I am School Shooter Memes. For the last month I made School Shooter Jokes on the site, so now I want you guys to vote for the best one. It will be in a quarterfinal format with the 8 of them being the most liked. I will link all of the polls in the comments so make sure to vote for your favourite joke.

What do birds and planes have in common?

They both fly into building windows.

I got kicked out of the library for putting the Women's Rights book in the fantasy section.