INS jokes
Barack Obama and Tork Poettschke are at the Natural History Museum. They stop in front of a showcase.
"These are the eggs from the ostrich!"
"Aha, and where are Trump's eggs?"
If Pete and Chasten Buttigieg had a baby, it would be a turd covered in semen.
What is a Jamaican's idea of a balanced diet?
A joint in each hand.
What do a man and a blonde do in bed?
Sleep!
What do Jews and Black people have in common?
Living off welfare checks.
What's one way to drain someone's ego?
Hand them a mirror, and say they should see how ugly they turned out in life.
What do hockey players and cops have in common?
They both use sticks to hit something black.
What do George Floyd and an astronaut have in common?
They both have very little air to breathe.
What's the difference between an office worker and a vegetable?
They both sit in "wheelchairs," but only one can get out of it.
I saw two deaf people talking shit about me in sign language.
So I turned off the lights.
When should you discourage your husband from exercising and dieting? When he wants to fit in your clothes!
Did you know there's a place in Germany called Hanover?
Must be lots of drunks there.
Did you hear? There's a new fast food restaurant coming: Jacko in the Box.
Beethoven to Chris Doemges: "What instrument do you play outside in the Arctic at -12 degrees Celsius?"
Doemges: "Probably the shiver..."
“Which tool,” Andrea Bocelli asks Chris Doemges, “fits best in the mailbox?”
Doemges: “Probably the flathead screwdriver!”
Tork Poettschke says to Charles Bukowski: "You have beautiful teeth! Are they also available in white?"
Tork Poettschke & Jack London walk down the street together. One asks the other, "May I stand in the middle?"
Q. What's red and pink and spins around really fast? A. A baby in a blender.
Did you hear about the streaker in church? He was caught by the organ.
What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?
A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.