INS jokes

The orphan wanted to call home sick, but there was no one.

The orphan went to school to have food, but there was no money in his account.

Do you know a way to really freak out someone that works at a car dealership?

You say, "Tell me if you can hear me," then get in the trunk and start screaming.

Linda and Peter are having sex. Peter goes in and out hard then fast and then begins to taste her tits. Finally, he moves down to the vagina and eats her hard. His rouge is inside her body, lolling around. He fucks her hard again and his dick slicks up her vagina. The entire time she is moaning and begging for more.

When Linda cums on his penis she begins to lick his balls hard. Peter begins moaning too saying, "Linda, you're just as amazing at fucking as your sister."

Me: What's the fifth month of the year?

Friend: May.

Me: May deez nuts fit in your mouth?

Joe Mama so weird, she cut her hair in a squiggly diggly haircut.

I killed a man in '94.

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

What do you call it when Neil Armstrong started cuming in space?

The Milky Way.

Have you learned SoDN in chemistry? It's so hard.

What's SoDN?

Suck on deez nuts.

For every blonde in the world,

scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

You twin towers because I'm tryna ram in you tonight.

God creates dog.

God: "You are man's best friend."

Dog: "That's pretty sexist."

God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"

Dog: "....."

God: "And chocolate kills you!"

Dog: "🐶"

Q: Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afghanistan?

A: Because there's a Target on every corner.

Your mom saw Uranus and never was the same in HD. :)

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?

You might think that tigers or lions are the best jumpers, but in my opinion, it's emos, because some of them are still in the air.

Chuck Norris once won a race against Usain Bolt, running in the opposite direction around the track, blindfolded, on one foot.

What's the fastest way to break up a bingo game in Baghdad?

You shout out, "B-52!"

Fatty and Skinny were in a bed.

Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.