INS jokes
Unfortunately, I had bad luck and faced infidelity.
Picture this: the bedroom door opens and I see my girlfriend in bed with two men...
I didn’t expect her to come back so early.
Q. What's red and pink and spins around really fast? A. A baby in a blender.
When should you discourage your husband from exercising and dieting? When he wants to fit in your clothes!
Did you hear? There's a new fast food restaurant coming: Jacko in the Box.
Beethoven to Chris Doemges: "What instrument do you play outside in the Arctic at -12 degrees Celsius?"
Doemges: "Probably the shiver..."
What do birds and planes have in common?
They both fly into building windows.
If Pete and Chasten Buttigieg had a baby, it would be a turd covered in semen.
Did you hear about the guy who died by lethal injection and writhed on the stretcher for 20 minutes?
I guess it really IS all in the execution.
When a baby was born to a slave, did the slave owners hang a "Bred in Captivity" sign above the crib?
Why are priests so bad at racing? They are always in the 'little behind'.
Why is arson so fun?
IT'S A FIRE ACTIVITY!
HAHAHAHAHAHAPAHAAHAHIIRTAASIISISISHRNHHTHTHTHHNHSHSNIHTAHE
Day 83 of being trapped in þis room. I made a language. I call it hertof. I speak wiþ þe walls now.
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."
Crazy? I was crazy once, they put me in a room with rubber rats. Rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once...
There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”
Helen Keller: *Gets knocked to the floor*
Helen Keller (in her head): "Wow, I didn't see that coming!"
How do you make a cat say woof? You cover it in petrol and light a match.
Three boys are in the 4th grade; one is black, one is white, and the other is Hispanic. Who has the biggest penis?
The black one... he's 13!
Why did the woman cross the road?
What’s she doing out of the kitchen in the first place?
Q: How many men does it take to open up a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
How many CIA agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
They don't need lightbulbs--they glow in the dark.