INS jokes
Mom, where are we going?
To your grandma's funeral.
Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.
In Saudi Arabia, there lived a man named Abdul.
Abdul rhymes with Azul, the Spanish word for blue.
And he probably be lookin' more blue than me.
Knock knock. Who's there? It's the police... Who? It's the police, let me in so I can get some donuts!
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?
Tony Abbott's career.
Quote of the day:
Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.
[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]
Who's in my ass?
Your sister.
John F. Kennedy may rest in pieces.
Why don’t I shut myself all the time?
I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.
What does a pencil and a plan have in common?
They were both in the Twin Towers.
If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.
So I could put kids inside you.
Time flies by, doesn’t it?
But the plane in 9/11 didn’t.
In a lesbian relationship, which feminazi cooks?
None, both carpet munchers eat out.
I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.
But I can break yours today, hopefully.
I know a lot of people hate tapeworms, but they will always have a special place in my heart.
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.
The creator's son tried that!
(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
I was digging in my garden when I found this chest of gold coins.
I wanted to run inside to tell my wife what I found, but that's when I remembered why I was digging.
"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.
But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.