INS jokes
So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.
The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.
There's a new Michael Jackson biopic in the works. There is a possibility that we will know who his love interest was.
What we know so far: Billie Jean is not his lover, and that kid [seen with him] is not his son. We also know that Michael Jackson said that sharing his bed with little boys is "healing" and an act of "sharing the love," so take that as you will.
20 fridges are loaded onto a plane, only 19 come off.
Okay, moving on, you took too long. How many steps does it take to put an elephant into a fridge? (*Their reply:* Idk how many)
3: Open the fridge, put the elephant into the fridge, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe into the fridge? (*Their reply:* 3...)
Wrong, 4: Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door.
Why did Sully fall off the swing? A fridge fell on her.
What's the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage :|
What did the lady say to Michael Jackson at the beach?
"Excuse me, you're in my sun (son)."
I would like to thank my favorite President Barack Obama. Sorry, Barack Obama and my uncle Obama bin Laden. I mean Osama bin Laden. Sorry, hummus in my throat.
My girlfriend asked me to tell a joke. I told her to look in the mirror.
We never met again.
Two friends were walking in a forest. They started to fight.
A cannibal came and shouted, "Food fight!"
My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again.
What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.
How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.
How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.
What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"
Why do orphans hate going in public?
Because there's kids out with their parents.
Why do orphans have water in their cereal?
Because their dad never came home with the milk.
Shorkey will find you in bed tonight, and he will eat you like my joke or else...
Can a person in a wheelchair stand up for themselves?
Your taste in men is like my taste in humor: dark.
What do five dicks sticking out of glory holes and five udders both have in common? They are ready for milking.
what do you call a rape victim in Ukraine?
Debris.
Maishah, the poo comes from an old bathroom in a country starting with B.
Yo mama is so fat, she takes her selfies in panoramic mode.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!