INS jokes
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up... you're next!"
In honor of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as other establishments, are introducing the Jackson dog. It's a 50 year old sausage between two 7 year old buns, with everything on it.
"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"
"Only in your dreams."
What's the hardest line to draw in a hospital?
... A FLATLINE!
Do you want to know why I hired a protractor to tutor my nephew in IIROC? Because he has degrees. 180 of them. So he's smar[t].
Cousins on the streets means lovers in the sheets. 😂👀
Girl: How much do you love me?
Me: Count the stars in the sky.
Girl: Aww, it's infinite!
Me: No, just a waste of time.
Why do they have fences around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in.
Only one of Kenny's girlfriends has ever said he's good in bed.
But she has to. She's his mom.
One day it was me and my sister in the house. My sister said to me, "Let's order food." I said, "We have no money." My sister said, "It's cool; we're just going to order egg rolls from the Chinese store. I know the delivery boy, and he won't charge us." I said, "Cool."
The delivery boy came with the egg rolls. I took some and ate mine in my room. I went back in the kitchen. I see my sister giving the delivery boy a blow job. I ask, "What are you doing?" My sister replied back to me, "You had your egg rolls; let me enjoy mine." Then the delivery boy said, "Don't no charge."
Yo mama's so stupid she got locked in Mattress World and slept on the floor.
I heard that my crush got kicked in the balls and when I thought of it...
What’s the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
Roses are red, my name is Dan...
TDM, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!
What's the one thing me and the New Year's ball have in common?
It's not gonna be the only thing falling 50 stories this New Year's.
I like my people how I like my tea...
In a bag under water.
Why do orphans sit in apple trees?
They wait to be picked.
You get on an elevator and you find the Pope and Donald Trump cowering from two snarling wolves. In your hand you find a revolver with only two bullets in it... what do you do?
You shoot the Pope and the Donald each in a leg and exit the elevator at the next stop.
My friend who is in a wheelchair told me a joke, and I burst out laughing. I told him he should be a stand-up comedian.
What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?
Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.