INS jokes
Believe in unicorns, and they'll believe in you!
Who are you to believe if you don't believe in unicorns?
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: 9/11 victims. They went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.
Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"
The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"
What do royals and hot dogs have in common?
They're usually in bread.
"Knock knock."
"Come in."
Did you know that lots of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a boogie in it!
What's worse than 5 babies in a dumpster?
5 dumpsters in a baby.
A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"
How was the Roman Empire cut in half? With Caesar!
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."
At one point in your life, you were exactly pi years old.
How do cats relieve themselves in front of people? By licking their puss.
I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.
I just cut everyone.
Why can't you be gay and in a wheelchair?
Because you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...
The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.
The creator's son tried that!
(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)
What has 2 arms but no legs?
A crippled woman with no more meaning in her life.