INS jokes
When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
Give them a Sandy Hook.
My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.
What’s the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?
They usually don’t live to tell the tale.
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.
Why are there no chemists in Africa?
Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
What do you call a paraplegic stuck in a tower?
In trouble!
What do orgasms and impulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
Did you know that the first French fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
What does a paleontologist and woke people have in common?
They both enjoy digging up the past.
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
Do you think John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head because his wife said he was close-minded?
How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just like hanging in the dark.
What do you call a group of rappers stuck in traffic?
A cypher circle.
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
What do nail polish and panties have in common?
Both come off with alcohol.