INS jokes

I'd rate the food in Afghanistan a 9/11. That shit was bomb.

In life, some people have it harder than others.

That's why Viagra exists.

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

Their last big hit was the wall.

My wife and I have been married over 30 years, but don’t get me wrong, we still perform tricks in the bedroom.

I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.

I was at a farm in France called ‘Uber eats Farmer league’, then I saw a strange creature called ‘Pessi’. He only appears against farmers.

He ran towards to me, I didn’t know what I should do so I decided to shout “Big games! Big games!“ Pessi scurried away.

I was in a terrorist a famous terrorist group. No, not the Taliban. We called ourselves the Talabam.

Uranus, ur-anus, your anus. Anus is what's in between your two buttocks.

What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?

They can't reach 30.

Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In Freezer"?

Answer: Because it's where EVERYONE GOES to "Hang Their Meat!"

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? The Wall was their last big hit.

What do peanut butter and a prostitute's legs have in common?

They’re both easy to spread.

Most annoying thing...

When we send something in WhatsApp thinking our friend is online but can only see two grey ticks...

Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!

Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.

Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?

Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.

Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.

Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.

Brother 2: You monster.

Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?

Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.

Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.

Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!

Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.

Brother 1: Found them.

*imaginary mother and brother fade away*

Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.

Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.

What do orphans and olden day actors have in common?

Both get food thrown at them some of the time.

Mom, where are we going?

To your grandma's funeral.

Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.

Q: What do Satan and a priest have in common?

A: They both love naughty souls.

I was playing FIFA and out of nowhere the game glitched during a penalty shootout.

Pionel Pessi appeared out of nowhere, took my pen and skied it. Thanks to him, I'm out of UCL and was sacked in Career Mode. Shame on you Pessi!😡😡😡😡

Today my biology teacher asked me what's commonly found in a cell......... And apparently "black people" isn't the right answer.

What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?

100 dead babies in a trash can.

What is worse than that?

There's a live one at the bottom.

What is worse than that?

It eats its way out.

What is worse than that?

It comes back for seconds.

Why did the Polish Roman Catholic priest remove zippers from the pants of gay men in the LGBT community?

Because he lost his key to his house and he was desperate to get back inside of his house and he thought that one of keys to their zippers would be able to unlock the door of his house.