INS jokes
Your hairline goes so far back, I remember seeing it in the Stone Age.
Why is being an electrician the easiest job in the world? It's literally light work.
What is purple, small, and rinsed off in a drainer?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.
If you're in Alabama, family reunions are basically speed dating events.
When you tell an orphan, "I did your mom in your home," and they start crying.
Me: You f&*k up.
The class: Oh sh!&
Why can't Mexicans cross the border? They always sneak powder in.
In Africa, it doesn't matter if you're gay, straight, or bisexual.
At the end of the day, it's night.
How many letters are there in the alphabet? 26? No, 8!
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
In case they get a hole in one!
Why are Mexicans so bad in the Olympics?
Because all the ones that can run, jump, and swim live in America.
So, some ants in a colony go to war. They want some more troops and know that there are ants that went to wars as well. They call them war-ants.
They start barging into homes to search for more war-ants. They barge into a home, and the lady-ant goes, "Hey, why are you here? Can you please leave?" One of the ants replies with, "I'm sorry, but unless you have a war-ant, we have to keep searching your house."
Just before lockdown began, a woman took her 15-year-old son Tom, and 14, 16, and 18-year-old daughters Sally, Mary, and Annie and went to the family cabin in the mountains to wait it out, while her husband stayed in town as an essential worker.
The weekly family Zoom call went well enough...until the 8th week when the father noticed the 14-year-old was looking a little...plump. By the 20th week, the 16-year-old’s shirt was starting to pull taut over her tummy, by the 25th the curve of the 18-year-old’s belly was rising over the edge of the table her laptop was perched on, and by the 30th week his wife and all 3 girls were very obviously 6 months pregnant, and the poor 14-year-old was so huge she was obviously having triplets.
So the father waited until he’d talked to his son and daughters, and asked if he could talk to his wife alone.
“Look, I know you and the girls are all pregnant. I’m not mad, I just want to know how it happened. We don’t have any neighbors up at the cabin, did you break quarantine and invite some hikers in, or go into town for supplies?”
She started crying. "No, Tommy's the father! I'm so sorry, I never meant for it to happen, but it's been so lonely here without you....I walked in on him jerking off and just couldn't help myself! And Annie's been missing her boyfriend at college, and it....it just sort of got out of hand."
"It's okay sweetheart, I forgive you. You've been isolated for months, up there."
She wiped her tears away. "I can't believe how understanding you're being about this. When we get home I'm making you the best steak and lobster you ever had! I know you aren't eating well, I was looking at the bills on Amazon Prime and saw you ordered a 45-pound pail of peanut butter!"
He looked down under the camera line, under his desk. He wasn't wearing pants, and the family dog was still licking his dick. "These things happen."
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?
Breakfast in bed!
Why does Michael Jackson like Doge Miner? He thinks it's about minors dressed in doge costumes.
Person 1: You are the dumbest person in the class.
Person 2: Well, you're the second. Maybe, but at least I'm not the dumbest.
Person 2: I know how to fix that!
... Next day person commits suicide...
There's a Mexican, Brazilian, and Cuban in a S60. Who's driving?
What's fun to search for in investigation?
The Milky Way!
We're skipping April Fools' Day this year. The biggest joke is already sitting in office running our country.
Billy: "I'm so used to having you in bed with me, I don't know if I'm ready for this long-distance relationship."
Sally: "Ohh, don't worry brother, I'll just be right down the hall..."