INS jokes
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.
I used to be a man trapped in a woman’s body. But then I was born.
If you play the movie "Jaws" in reverse, it's a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.
How do you know when it's bedtime in the Netherlands?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
Why can't you play memory snap in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
What do emo boys and emo girls have in common? They both wanna die and cut so they can die faster, but they are already dead, already dead to me!
Why do orphans dip their Oreos in water?
Because dad never came back with the milk.
Kid 1: Guys, stop making 9/11 jokes. My dad died in 9/11.
Kid 2: Sorry, I didn't know.
Kid 1: He was the best fighter pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
What do Bob Ross's painting and the orphanage have in common?
They're both filled with happy little accidents.
Why are elephants 🐘 so responsible?
Because they keep their belongings in the trunk.
What time is it when you get a chance to take a car and drive all over?
Time to get in trouble!
I once tried to have a family friendly conversation with a worm, but it kept its head in the dirt.
What do you say to a 1 legged hitch hiker?
Hop in!
Your forehead's so big that you dream in 4k.
When I called the suicidal hotline in Iraq, they asked if I could drive the car.
If I fall in love with my depression, maybe it'll leave me too.
(Took this from my other account @Toby :) btw)
What did one orphan say to the other?
"GET IN THE BATMOBILE, ROBIN!"
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!
When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.
Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.
I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.