INS jokes
Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The Bushes.
Being the first to move in chess.
It’s a white privilege.
What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?
Target practice.
I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.
I guess you can say she had me in a trans.
I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!
Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box.
My doctor asked my brother if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.
He replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it!"
What is the number one song played in Columbine High? Smells Like Teen Spirit.
I really used to be into emo chicks. Now they just don't make the cut.
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common?
They’ll eventually get laid by a Mexican.
What do you call a dog turd in China?
Waste of food.
What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?
"Will there be seconds?"
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.
How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?