INS jokes
Why does the kid in the wheelchair get bullied all the time?
Because he can’t stand up for himself.
Why don't catholic kids lose their virginity in their 20's?
Because they lost it to a priest when they were 5
My son and I went on a tour to the Old Trafford Stadium. We were admiring the 76,000 seat arena when he suddenly pointed at the pitch.
“Dad, who is that man camping there?” I said, “Son, that is Bruno Penandes. He lives in that Penalty box. He only performs in small games.”
What's white and bloody?
Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.
Why can't orphans sleep? Nobody can tuck them in.
Suzy: How did Jonah fit in the whale?
Teacher: Whales are very big but have small mouths, so Jonah did not actually fit in the whale.
Suzy: Well, the Bible says he did.
Teacher: He did not.
Suzy: When I get to heaven I will ask him how he fit in.
Teacher: How do you know he went to heaven? Maybe he went to hell.
Suzy: Then you can ask him.
What does an eighty-year-old woman have in between her boobs that a twenty-year-old woman doesn't?
A belly button.
Post your jokes in the comments below!
When you go to a baseball game and they say, "Heads up!" and you put your head up, and the ball hits you in the head.
Why do white people get abducted by aliens?
Because they're easier to see in the dark.
Q. What walks through alleys and has a hole in it?
A. Batman's parents.
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To check in on his flat mate.
Why are women like KFC?
After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
What does a roller coaster and Michael Jackson have in common?
Kids ride for free.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Basically, the Twin Towers are Angry Birds but in real life.
A boy sat in his bed, watching a meteor shower. He was a vengeful child and wished that his parents would no longer bother him whilst he was gaming.
The next morning, he woke up to find his mother had passed away in the night. Clearly his wish had worked. However, his father worked a midnight job, and as such the boy was very confused when he returned home from work, expecting him to have met the same fate.
The two of them then looked out the window in thought, only to find the milkman lying dead on the pavement.
Why don't orphans do homework?
They don't have a home to do it in.
Three blonde sisters die and are told by an angel that in order for them to go to heaven they have to pass all 100 steps. But each step has a joke, each joke gets funnier and funnier. And in order to pass them all, you can't laugh at any joke or else you go to hell. The blonde girls accept the offer.
So the angel begins telling them the jokes. One of the girls laughs at the 3rd step. The second blonde laughs halfway there. Finally, the last blonde was at the 100th step. The angel said, "This is the last step. If you laugh you will go straight to hell with your sisters and if you don't you can pass." The blonde agrees and the angel starts to tell the joke, "What do you ca..." Out of nowhere the blonde starts bursting out laughing. "Why are you laughing? I haven't even finished the joke yet!" The blonde replies, "I just got the first joke!"
Why do women have no need for umbrellas? Because it doesn't rain in the kitchen.