INS jokes
When Stephen Hawking was feeling hungry, he used to call in to his local PC World for a megabyte and some microchips.
Little Johnny asks a fireman, "Do you want to see my fire truck?"
So the fireman goes to look at it. Little Johnny tested it. "I got my hat in my fire truck."
So the fireman says, "Last night's alright, but why is it tied up to you wagging?" And he looks closer and sees the string is tied up in knots. He said, "That's nice all right, but why is it tied up to his nuts?"
The little Johnny said, "Well that's my son," and so he yanks on it.
What did the pig say when he was in the sun?
I'm bacon.
My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.
We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!
Why do rappers take time to prepare for camping?
Tupac-in-a-tent.
Why was Goofy in the bathroom?
He was goofing off!
I am reading a horror book in braille.
Something bad is going to happen. I CAN FEEL IT!
So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.
I'm just gonna say it, and don't get offended, but I'm so sick of the media being on the female side. It never shows what life is like for a male.
Yes, women do have it hard in life because they have to give birth, etc.
But men have it pretty hard too, if not harder. Males are criticized for showing emotions.
Men have to go to war on the front lines.
Boys have less support from their friends because showing any emotion is a sign of weakness.
Boys have to wear trousers in schools where they practically burn to death in summer, meanwhile girls get to wear dresses and skirts. And now we hear girls complaining about them not being allowed to wear trousers. Yet we haven't ever heard anything about boys protesting about wearing shorts to school. It's because no one will take a man's protest seriously because the media is always against the men.
Man-rape is unheard of in the media, and I've never seen anything in any form of news accusing a woman as a rapist.
We are expected to gather up our guts [and] ask a girl to be their girlfriend. We have to take them on dates, pay the bill, [and] buy them gifts when the girls never do anything like that for us males. We have to get a job while they put on makeup and go out with their friends and spend 3 months' worth of the money the man has made.
And the women say we only rape women and that we restrict women from doing certain things like fighting in world wars.
It's because most males do not want females to get hurt, yet we are criticized for this.
I propose an idea that on the 19th of September every year (until we get the point across) all males do not go to work, etc.
Who's going to put out all the fires? The two "firewomen" at the local fire station? Who is going to work in the major corporations? The secretary's and the receptionist?
Women are always saying that the world will be a better place if they're are no men around. Let's show them how wrong they are.
(This event can be done worldwide.)
Share this with as many people who still believe in the rights of the males.
(I'm not against feminism; it's just that everything in the media is about some stupid problem women are complaining about + hatred for males everywhere.
But I think that nowadays women have more rights than men because they can wear what they want, do what they want, and never get criticized or face any consequences.)
There was an Indian riding in the desert when he saw a little blond-haired white girl up ahead. He heard her crying. So he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her, "Hey, what’s going on? Why are you crying? Where are your parents? What happened?"
The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The bandidos came, killed my father, my brothers, then my mother, and raped my sister."
The Indian just laughed, untied and dropped his breechcloth, then said, “Guess this isn’t your day, is it?”
Why can't you make jokes about catholic priests?
Because they blow up in your face.
Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.
If this post gets 200 likes or comments, I will show up in a MrBeast video.
You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
So I came across a guy who was carrying a ton of clothing and makeup.
And I asked him what he is doing.
Guy: Some kawaii girl told me if I bought and brought her this crap, she would let me play with her tits.
Me: Erm... Are you a simp?
Two minutes later, the guy arrived at Kawaii Girl's house.
KG: You have it?
Guy: Yup, now can I play with them?
KG: Sure!
KG then went to her room.
Guy: Ohhhh, I know what your going to do. You're gonna call me over and you will be-
KG then held a bird cage with two birds in it.
KG: Have fun playing with them!
Guy: WHAT THE FU-
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests.
The painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.
"But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" asks one of the guests.
"Lenin is in Poland," replies the painter.
What did the British soldiers say while in the trenches? "Damn, it's windy out here!"
I'll never forget my brother's last words: "Why is there a revolver in your hand?"
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
Anthony Blinken's life sucks, and getting COVID-19 positive is the only positive thing that ever happened in his entire life!