INS jokes
What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Realizing you only put in 4.
How do you make a cat go "woof"?
... douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! "woof!"
What happens when a black person gets in a car? The check oil light turns on.
What do women, tornadoes, and hurricanes have in common? They all get the house.
Three children play hide and seek. Their names are Silence, Anger, and Parent. Anger counts. Parent hides in the trash. Silence is at the police station.
A policeman looks at Silence and asks: "What is your name?" Silence replies: "Silence." Terrified, the policeman asks: "Where are your parents?" Silence then replies: "Parent is in the trash!" The policeman then asks indignantly: "Are you looking for Trouble?" Silence replies: "No, in fact, Anger finds me."
They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.
What's black, gold, and red all over?
Tupac in Vegas.
The Libertarian Party was founded in 1971, and the Libertarian Party has lost every presidential election since 1972, and according to the Libertarian Party the Libertarian Party is the only political party in the United States that is the party of principle. If the Libertarian Party is the party of principle then why hasn't the Libertarian Party won a presidential election since 1972?
Because it is politically motivated.
What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?
Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."
What’s one good thing about child molesters? They drive slow in a school zone.
Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"
Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"
Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."
Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".
He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"
Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."
Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children, and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said, "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said, "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone.
Then, the birthday boy said, "Hey, he's like my dad."
"Really?" asked a little girl.
"I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."
When you hear your mom’s car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.
what song did people in Hiroshima listen to?
"Here Comes the Sun."
What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
What do chickens play in the pool? Marco Polo.
Why does it take three women with PMS to screw in a lightbulb?
IT JUST DOES!!!!
When you're sitting in class and the quiet kid yells, "Lovely day, isn't it?" ... and you see a Glock shape in his pocket.
What do Michael Jackson and Pinocchio have in common?
They both lie over little boys 😂
What do priests and doctors have in common?
They both do physicals on kids.