INS jokes

Memory

    • An old man is sitting on a park bench, crying his eyes out. A jogger stops, feels bad for him, and asks, "Sir, what's wrong?"

    The old man sobs, "I'm 85 years old. I have a 25-year-old wife at home who is a supermodel. She cooks me gourmet meals every day, she keeps the house spotless, and we spend every night in total, passionate bliss."

    The jogger looks confused. "Wait... that sounds amazing! Why are you crying?"

    The old man looks up, tears streaming down his face, and wails: "I can't remember where I live!"

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    Job

    • I got a job at a library once. I got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.

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    Woman

    • So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'

    I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

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    • Incest

    • A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."

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    • Blonde

    • Two blondes fell in a hole and one asked, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" and the other one says, "I don't know, I can't see."

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    Emo kid

    • How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

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    • Fashion Sense

    • Straights are ALWAYS asking LGBTQ+ people why they have such GOOD FASHION SENSE. We didn't spend all that time in the closet for nothing, honey ;)

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    Princess Diana

    • Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.

    How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment.

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    • Mary Poppins

    • Mary Poppins went to a restaurant and ordered cheese, eggs, and cauliflower. When she left, she had written something in the complaint box: "Super cauliflower, eggs, but cheese was quite atrocious." (Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious)

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    Garage

    • Little Johnny's sister, Suzy, sees her mom in the shower and asks, "What is that between your legs?" Her mom responds, "That is my garage." The next day, Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, "What is that between your legs?" Her dad answers, "It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy's garage." The next day, Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, "Why is there blood all over your hands, Suzy?" Suzy says, "Well... little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage, so I ripped its wheels off."

    Rat

    • There's a kid named Little Johnny who would always cuss. Well, one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said, "Let's play a game." So the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. The teacher says "A". Little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, he might say something like a**." So the teacher calls on Sally. Sally says "apple". The teacher says "B". Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher thought, "No, he might say something like b!tch." So the teacher goes all the way to R. The teacher says "R". Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "Me, me, please, I really know one." Then the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, there's no cuss word that starts with R," so she said, "Okay, Johnny, give me a word that starts with R." Little Johnny says, "A rat!" and the teacher, very pleased, says, "Very good, Johnny. What type of rat?" Little Johnny says, "A big gosh damn mother freaker."

    Sorry, I had to edit some word, but y'all know what I meant.

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    Son

    • Dr. Brody: Sir, your son has a disease called boofa.

    Dad: What's boofa?

    Dr. Brody: Both of these nuts in your mouth.

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