INS jokes
So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.
So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says, "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back." The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking.
The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says, "Step on a line and you break your father's spine." The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE!" The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?
Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.
When Covid spreads through food, but you realized you live in Africa.
My uncle died on September 11. He was the greatest pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain. "Quick, let's swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!"
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
When you have a bladder infection,
You're in trouble. 😜
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.
In Portuguese, "Trumpa" means bullshit.
Hell in Greek times was known as cold and misty... so now just look at Seattle.
In honor of Michael Jackson, Starbucks is introducing the 'Jackson Latte'. It's 50 year old coffee, with 8 year old cream. Get it while supplies last.
Where are the best shooting ranges in America?
Used to be in schools, but now in subways.
What's the most played game in Africa? The Hunger Games.
Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you never turn your back on family.
What's the difference in Japanese Kamikaze and 9/11?
There is none, they both go up in flames.
Can’t believe how ungrateful my dwarf next-door neighbor is. I saw him waiting at the bus stop earlier today and offered to give him a lift, but he told me to “fuck off.” In the end, I decided to just close my rucksack and walk away.
What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.
I got a detention because I told an emo kid to "hang in there."
There are two types of people in Alabama: the orphans and the incests.